Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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