i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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