obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
