I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
