She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
