i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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