I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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