Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
