I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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