do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
