it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
