Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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