were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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