i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
