Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
