Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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