1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
