how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
