Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
