I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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