A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
