Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
