dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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