To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
