so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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