is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
