Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
