i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
