Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
