I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
