Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
