All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
