I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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