you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
