The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
