I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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