People in love make me want to vomit
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
