just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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