Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
