took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
