Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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