ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
