I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
