I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
