I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
