his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
