Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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