You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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