I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
