I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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