I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
